The kids and I went to the state park yesterday.

Maya was over for a short period of time and it was almost 60 degrees, we had to get out and do something.

Hello spring in March!

Max took a hard fall that ended up covering his face in mud. Naturally it made for a good picture, even if the boy refuses to smile!

We didn't walk very far, just to a bench that overlooks the river.

The kids pretended to fish and hunt and it was a perfect little break in the day. I am looking forward to this unseasonably warm week!

My parents bought me a new lens for my camera. It was actually my birthday gift but life got in the way and I only just received the lens from them yesterday. So today has been all about trying out the new lens! It's also, really cold so I've been forced to find ways to entertain the kids inside. (It helps when Auntie and Uncle Randy both stop by, good distractions!)

First, we had to setup a back drop so I could see how the blur works and I am so happy!

It's funny because it doesn't look anything like this while looking through the viewfinder so it's almost like a little surprise waiting for you when you take the photo! It's not as obvious when the background is similar to the foreground. (Yes, Mama made a hopscotch on the carpet, I know you're impressed.)

The kids had fun hopping and retrieving their toys they threw. Did you notice the blurring on the kids clothes here, away from the focus? So cool!

Lastly, Max has recently learned how to zip up his own jackets and sweatshirts. He decided to try and give Rory a hand with hers. Such a cute, loving photo, and the blurry edges are just AWESOME!

This camera obsession? It isn't going away anytime soon.

*If you're curious, it's a 50mm f/1.8 lens. No zoom people - that's going to be hard to adjust to.

It's all about Rory today.

Yesterday Rory had to get an immunization, normally she is a champ about getting a shot. We got to the injection room and I gave Rory the choice to have me go first (allergy shot) or to have her go first. Her response? "You go, I no get shot today!" Needless to say she cried and clenched her legs while the shot went in. 30 seconds after the shot was done, the band-aid was on and her pants were back up? She's happy as can be to pick out her prize!

Fast forward to later that evening and I swear she cried longer and harder about taking the band-aid off then she did while at the doctor's office! Band-aid removal is the worst, I do sympathize with her, and since we've pretty much removed most of her naps in exchange for a much earlier bedtime, evenings can be pretty rough for her.

Rory has also developed quite the attitude. It doesn't really affect me all that much. I don't play into it, I've become an expert at ignoring the crying/whining girl, and well, I grew up with Tara, I'm used to it. (Ha ha Ta-Ta, but so true.) As Rory works on developing her attitude she's tried out a few different things. We've had the pouty lip which was very short lived as soon as I did it back to her, the scream crying which thankfully rarely occurs and her newest favorite, the crossed arms.

The crossed arms, the squished up face, the attitude eyes? I die. Every time. She's getting too smart, she's figuring out my weaknesses!

She's also very into textures. Rory has never been one to use a fork or spoon for more then a few bites and as much as I would like to change this I have yet to convert her to using her utensils for a full meal. If I walk away? More then likely I will come back to the food smeared all over the table as she draws into it and smooshes it between her fingers. I get this is a phase and completely normal for a 2 year old so it doesn't bother me too much. Plus, it leads to pictures like this.

Hello Mac and Cheese mustache and goatee!

She's doing pretty well on the potty training front. It took Max about 3 weeks to really get the hang of things and I have a feeling it may take a little longer for Rory. She isn't easily swayed with bribes, is hard to distract when her mind is made up, and she likes to do things on her own time. I guess we wait and see!

We've got a river running through our yard right now. Naturally we needed to go exploring!

Rory quickly got acclimated with the mud. Jumping in it.

Smearing it all over the car.

Covering her hands, a bit on her face from tasting it,

and let's not forget her clothes!

Max got sick of the mud after his socks got wet and moved on to riding his scooter.

That is, until Rory and I started to catch up to him, then he full out ran, carrying the scooter in his arms!

And a funny story with Max. While we were getting ready to go outside he was freaking out about his jacket. When I asked him what the problem was he told me that he didn't look "cool" (his word) with his jacket zipped up. So we compromised and he agreed to wear the fleece instead.

I didn't realize a 3 year old needed to run around with his winter coat unzipped to be cool. I guess I better get with the times!

Oh look, Rory's potty training and I did remember to post a picture of her on the big girl potty!

She's doing great I haven't had to wash a pair of underwear in 3 days, although she has had pull-ups and diapers get accidents when we're out and about.

Max and Rory took out all my pots and pans and made their own jamming band. Max even made up his own song as he pounded away on those pans!

Seriously every picture has Rory's hair all over the place! This last one is my favorite though.

So there you have it, a blog of simply photos. I'm lazy today!

Max, Rory and I went to the Minnesota Zoo today with Reb, Jane, Becca and Conan. It was the worst zoo experience I've had yet - I lost the kids.

While we were walking up an entryway the kids started running and I stayed behind pushing the stroller. A group of school kids came running by and I lost sight of Max and Rory in the group. Long story short, after about 3 minutes of looking I figured I better notify someone and with the volunteers' help along with Becca and Reb, the kids were discovered. While we all met up the volunteer was laughing because usually a lost kid is upset, looking for their mom. My two kids were together and perfectly happy. In fact, Max came up looking angry that he was forced to come back.

After a quick discussion about how that was not OK and that they had scared Mom, along with a couple tears on Mom's end, we continued on our way. Less then 3 minutes later? Rory turned a corner and when I followed her she was gone. You guys? Not even 30 seconds had gone by! She had to of been running too because by the time Reb and I caught up with her we found her at the complete other end of the trail and she had just sat down in the middle of the trail catching the eye of two volunteers.

Needless to say she was not allowed anywhere after that without holding my hand.

And it was so crowded! I've never been to the zoo when it was that crowded before. There were so many school groups and families and it was really overwhelming. Trying to let the kids walk around in the zoo was exhausting as they were constantly getting overtaken by large school groups.

I didn't take a whole lot of pictures given the high stress levels but I do have at least two to show. Here are all the kids, eating a cracker and taking a break. And the only picture where they all four are looking. Kids!

And we made it to the dolphin feeding which the kids loved! (Well, Jane sort of liked it, when she wasn't upset that she couldn't have the ball in the tank.)

So today gets to go on that list of horrible memories, along with Rory's hospitalization and the time Max almost got hit by the car. That's a fun memory list to keep! (Sarcasm if you didn't read that.)

Today I have been a stay at home mom for a year. It's a bitter-sweet marker for me to be honest. I thought by now I'd be enjoying it more then I currently am.

The perks are pretty obvious. I'm with my children all day, we don't have to worry about taking a day off to go and do fun things and we can be spontaneous, taking off at a moment's notice if we so desire. I'm less stressed when it comes to my children and my home as I don't have 9 hours of work and travel to worry about before making doctor's appointments, meal planning, meal preparing, or everyday housework. We've also been very fortunate that financially this has worked out in our favor.. I mean, that's pretty awesome in it's self, we're thriving as a one income family.

The adjustment period is over, this much I know is true, the issues I have are all my own and something I have to deal with. It's all those perks that make the negatives really stick out for me.

Being with my children all day? Great. Except that my patience wears thin faster then I'd like. Answering 1400 questions before 8am, tough. Playing the same game 4 times in an hour, boring. Figuring out fun activities that aren't going to cost a lot of money, draining.

Being able to take off whenever we feel like sounds amazing. Except there is no such thing as just taking off with two toddlers. First, if I'm totally honest, I don't do spontaneity all that well. If we get past that there are the diapers, snacks, proper clothing, nap schedules and lots of other things that I need to worry about before we can leave. Not to mention that my kids need my help getting all their gear on, coats, hats, boots, you name it. If I said, "Let's go to the zoo right now!" I would not be able to get us out of the house for at least 40 minutes, which yes is not a lot of time but it's a frantic 40 minutes with arguments and flaring tempers because we're all feeling rushed. Planning and spontaneity don't exactly go hand in hand.

Being home and having time to clean the house, do laundry and tidy has been really nice buy my house is more of a mess now then it was when I worked full time. My kids are also in this house full time now which means they too should get to have toys and games out to play with. Doing chores always requires extra work whether I'm finding a safe activity for them while I scrub bathrooms, or figuring out a way to get them involved. And let's not mention how quickly my house has deteriorated with two wild toddlers on the loose. Dents, scratches, chips, you can find all of those in my walls currently. So much for that beautiful and organized home I had envisioned.

And while we've been very fortunate to have this work out financially for us it means bargain shopping. I rarely buy a new outfit for anyone in our home now. Consignment shops and discount stores are where we mainly shop now and we rarely buy anything we want only what we need. This means that the kids get clothes when they need them, if they move up a size or if the seasons are changing, and since Dusty and I aren't changing sizes we only get a couple pieces a year. Now don't get me wrong, it isn't like I was a fashionista prior to this life change, but I sure do miss walking into a store, seeing something I like and that looks good on  and buying it. That just doesn't happen. In fact, I don't own any sweatpants and can't justify buying them since I don't need them. A stay at home mom without sweatpants? So unfair!

The last part is the hardest part, and that's loosing adult conversations. It's been extremely hard for me to adjust to only having Dusty for a real conversation every day. Especially when he's not home every night and while he deserves time away from his family too, it's hard not to take it personal when I'm already so desperate for conversation. I have great friends and family that I talk to pretty regularly but it isn't the same as being in an office 5 days a week for 8 or more hours. It's just not, and there is really no way to remedy that without neglecting my kids.

But I'm not having a pity party over here, contrary to what you just read, while I struggle with this I also take the blessings too. I'm so very  thankful for these three people and everything they give me, even if it isn't always what I expected or planned.