There once was a cantaloupe who was living a lovely life in the warm sunny tropics. One day the farmer came by and told him it was time for him to go and do great things with his life and he was picked and put in a crate with many other cantaloupe.

The next time the cantaloupe saw light he was being unpacked into a store that was very cold but he was still with his other cantaloupe friends so he was happy and excited to see what great things he could do. He watched as hour by hour people came by, examined him and his friends, and then would take one of his friends away. After a couple days, he was boxed up with his other friends and brought to a discount grocery store where he again watched as people examined his friends and himself before taking one of his friends away.

Mr. Cantaloupe was getting pretty sad. All his friends were getting picked, one by one, and he continued to get put back onto the shelf. Was this to be it? Was his great thing to rot on a shelf with the other left over produce?

Then one day, along came a boy. His mother was very preoccupied as she had never been to this discount grocery store before and so as she tried to familiarize herself with the products and prices the little boy was walking back and forth down the aisles. Many a times there was a "Max, I told you that you have to stay were I can see you." Or a "Remember, look with your hands, not your eyes." That cantaloupe knew, now was his chance. He slid himself within the little boys' grasp and plumped himself up to looking oh-so-very appealing and his plan worked! The little boy scooped him up and started to bring him to his mother.

Splat!

Oh, the boy dropped him.

But don't worry, outside of the small bruise he was still fine. And the mother, very irritated, was not about to put back a bruised cantaloupe for someone else to buy. (Especially with the two evil ladies looking with their judgy eyes.) So the cantaloupe was happily brought to the little boys home where he heard "We'll eat it for breakfast."

Alas, the cantaloupe knew that his inevitable doom was near so he once again moved himself within the little boy's grasp and once again tried to plump up his bruised body. And once again, he succeeded, for that very night after the little boy was supposed to be in bed, he sneaked out to the kitchen and grabbed the cantaloupe.

Oh, was that naughty cantaloupe so happy, he was saved!

Except he wasn't.

For the next morning the little boy's mother found in her son's bed a wet cantaloupe who's skin was peeled by a little boy's teeth and who's body was so soft the mother had no choice but to throw it away. And when she asked the little boy what happened to the cantaloupe he replied that he was beating it up.

The moral of the story? Don't trust cantaloupe at discount stores, they're just there to cause trouble.

And also? Hide the fruit. Because not only was the cantaloupe stolen in the night but the oranges and grapes were accomplices to the murder.We are now out of fresh produce - you know the next morning after going to the grocery store - Argh...